This blog was inspired by a few posts I’ve seen on IG asking the audience to share an advice for their 20- or 30-something year old self. I thought I’d do one through my life so far.
Take what you need.
Dear younger me,
Today we are 46 years old and if there ever was a multi-verse or time machine, I would share this with you. Hopefully it will help lift your spirits in the darker days and stay grounded in the better ones.
To my 10-year old.
There will be days where you feel like our parents don’t love you unless you get good grades, be a good daughter and be a skinnier child. Know that our parents did their best. They didn’t know how to express the way we needed them too but showed us in their own way by working hard to provide opportunities for us.
There will be days where you feel all alone as there will be people who hurt us. You won’t fully understand it but the guilt and shame will be with us for many years ahead. It wasn’t your fault and I know how scared you were. Know that you will eventually talk about it and heal from it.
You will be okay.
To my 13-year old.
There will be moments where you feel so out of place and wondered if life was worth living.
You will try to squeeze in boxes, becoming thinner by the day and learn to clip your wings to fit in.
You will get heart broken by the first boy you ever loved and you will throw yourself in your studies and be an over-achiever. I know it was just your way of protecting yourself from getting hurt.
It will not be our first heart-break but you will learn how to take better care of yourselves, and not depend on a man to save you.
You will be okay.
To my 19-year old.
This is when you had to grow up fast since mummy passed away just 3 weeks of starting medical school in a new country. You will feel a sense of responsibility and family duty, putting yourself last.
You will experiment a lot with life from now on, first time being away from home, with new friends and new experiences.
You will be tempted many times and I know deep down you wanted to say no but felt like you couldn’t to be liked and accepted. Know it’s okay to say no. To people’s sexist and racial remarks. To people’s wandering gaze and hands.
You will hurt others and you will get hurt too. But you will bury it inside you, moving through life like a whirlwind, pushing yourself to achieve as it’s too painful to feel.
Know you will learn to take responsibility for your thoughts, emotion and actions by meeting people to help you along the way.
You will be okay.
To my 27-year old.
You will love life again as you grow and excel.
You will get carried away and fall for charm and promise.
You will get hurt and you shut down again as you break into pieces.
You will find solace in unlikely places and your mind will be open to possibilities.
It will take a few years but you will learn to open your heart to love again.
You will be okay.
To my 35-year old.
You will find success in your professional and personal life.
You will worry about getting older and experiment with treatments.
You will also learn to stop the war with your body and learn to love her.
You will be happy beyond your wildest dreams as you become a mother and wife.
You will also burn yourself out, wanting to be everything to everyone.
Enjoy the happy moments and learn to rest. It’s okay to ask for help.
Trust your ability and don’t give up on your dreams.
To my 40-year old.
You will be tested. Over and over again. You will meet people who will take advantage and learn to be more discerning.
You will question and doubt your life choices. You will be in survival mode for many years to come.
You will learn to take ownership of your self-sabotaging patterns. You will stop blaming others and focus on what you can control.
You will learn to decenter men and center yourself. It will feel very uncomfortable but stick with it. It will open your eyes to inequality and change the way you treat yourself.
You will learn to stop running from/ regretting your past and chasing the future but be more grateful for the present.
It will be a stressful season but you will be okay.
You will learn to listen to your intuition again and forgive yourself. You will realise how resourceful and resilient you are.
You will learn to process your grief and make peace with your anger. Your nervous system will recalibrate and you will feel peace again.
Your anxiety will get better and your depression will lift. You will priorities your wellbeing and you will be physically the strongest you’ve ever been. You will feel secure in your skin and yourself.
You will heal your inner child and make friends with your rebellious inner teen. You will learn to honour and reinforce your boundaries.
You will learn to speak up and speak out. You will learn to hold space for your big emotions and learn to live life on your own terms again.
Dear younger me,
I don’t know what will happen in the future but what I know is this.
You will learn from your mistakes.
You will figure things out.
You will grow stronger and continue to evolve.
You will strengthen the connection with your inner voice and the wisdom of your soul.
You will make better choices.
You will be okay.
We both will.
With all my love,
46 year old me x